What makes you - You?

How do you know yourself in the world?

A year ago, I decided to leave my pulpit and permanent ministry after twenty-six years of service to two different communities. I was tired, worn out, and feeling a tad defeated - primarily due to Covid and post-Covid reality.

Not very optimistic, I know, but the lessons afforded me from this past year are stretching me to look at undiscovered parts of me. I was my ministry, my role, and my service to others. This was not obvious when I was fully in, but a year later, I can see with great clarity that who I am and how I show up in the world is not my job. It has taken this entire year to peel away the layers of my identity.

Ministry is a unique leadership role, and there is no right way to express it. It would be safe to say that ministry is a mystery, and all who attempt to fill this role can only express it from the point of view of their individuality. I was exhausted because I brought my ‘motherhood’ to this role, another role that is dear to me. This doesn’t make me or others wrong in our maternal/paternal offerings, but it defines the outcome. My outcome was exhaustion - just like parenting - Oops!

There have been significant moments of grieving as my old identity melts away and a naked me is revealed. I am living in the question: What makes me - Me?

What is before me now is the question—who am I? How do I identify myself outside of the pulpit? But I look at my shadow, and the question that has not been asked until now is

, where is my worth?

When your self-worth is tied to what you do, what happens when you stop doing what you have always done? Where does your value lie? What parts of you keep you feeling valuable and worthy?

So, after a year of feeling, questioning, and pivoting, here’s what I know:

• I am not my job or my profession

• I am not what I do for others - even as honorable as that might be.

• My worthiness is about how much I accept and allow God to be expressed through me.

• My value is how much love I can express in every moment of my life - beginning with self-love.

  

Looking into my Shadow revealed how much I misappropriated my self-worth. I am grateful for this journey, and I am grateful to remember that TODAY IS THE MOST GLORIOUS DAY OF MY LIFE!

My friend, look deeper, feel more, allow all of it to flow through you with ease and grace, and remember that what makes you you is a profound amount of self-love and self-acceptance.